I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
