just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You're earring is so big in my mouth
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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