why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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