If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
