im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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