Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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