it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
