Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
As shirtless as possible
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
