she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
