Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
