he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
