maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drunk is not a location!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
