i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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