So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
