Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
