ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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