my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
