I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
