Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
