hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Im part way to drunk.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
