I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
