thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
