Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
