ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Randomize
