I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
