If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
