Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
