im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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