$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
