and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
