Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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