its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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