Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
