he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
