If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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