I heard we made out
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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