There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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