saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
