There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
