You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
