what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize
