True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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