John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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