ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
