it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
