I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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