Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
