i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
