How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Houston, we have a squirter
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
