in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
