If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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