I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
