You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
